


goin' home

by justdoityoufucker



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Post-War, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 14:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justdoityoufucker/pseuds/justdoityoufucker
Summary: Sakura knows before they even reach the Valley of the End that it is over. The strange pall covering the sky slowly begins to lift, and she follows Kakashi to the scarred valley.She knows before she sees them that they did not survive.





	goin' home

Sakura knows before they even reach the Valley of the End that it is over. The strange pall covering the sky slowly begins to lift, and she follows Kakashi to the scarred valley.

She knows before she sees them that they did not survive.

Naruto, a content smile pulling his lips, his eyes closed; Sasuke, the moon to Naruto’s sun, also smiling that small way that she remembered. Their hands were bloody, but clasped, tight even in death.

Despite knowing the true weight of it, Sakura could just see them as two little boys, as alike as they were different.

She drops to the ground, to her knees, and doesn’t even try to stop the sobs as they overwhelm her like a beach in high tide. She has suffered enough.

-

Time seems to have lost meaning when they finally return. Those who are able are setting up a camp, searching for survivors. Through her tears, Sakura goes to help. It would not do to drown in grief and forget the others; she works until she is exhausted, until the only thing that comes when she closes her eyes is deep sleep.

She is thankful, those first few days, for the lack of dreams.

-

Returning to Konoha is like stepping back in time, though the time they step back into is fractured and broken. It is not with an air of victory that they return; it is carrying the wounded, wishing for sleep, for  _ rest _ .

Returning to Konoha gives her dreams, and Sakura cannot sleep. Perhaps it is not that she cannot sleep, but simply that she cannot bear to see the things that come in her sleep. It is not just her teammates, it is all those lost, all those hurt and forever changed for it.

She is forever changed by it, Sakura realizes after two days in her own bed, two days of sleepless nights. She does not think it is in a good way.

-

Naruto and Sasuke--their bodies were brought back, and everything reminds her of them. It seems strange, that so much of her life revolved around them and now that they are gone

_ (dead) _

she has nothing. She is adrift, in a sea of those also adrift, but loose even from them. Her friends--

They do not feel the loss as keenly as she does. They all miss Naruto, of course; his infectious smiles, his vast love. But Naruto and Sasuke became a unit in Sakura’s head over the years, and she can’t think of one without the other.

Kakashi finds her sitting at their shared grave, back under an old oak tree. “At least they’re together,” she says, staring down at the thin white leaves of the chrysanthemums she brought, fingernails digging into her arms.

Kakashi doesn’t say anything, just kneels next to her, wraps an arm around her shoulders.

-

She spends most of her time the first two weeks alone. Unintentionally, maybe, but also she seeks solitude, seeks her own company.

It has been so long since she has been alone.

-

The funerals and memorials end, and Sakura finds herself at the hospital. She fits in there, like she’s never been gone; everywhere else is full of gossip about Orochimaru, but at the hospital she works and is free of the talk. It’s menial work, but doing it soothes her; healing others helps her begin to heal.

It is difficult to see those wounded by the war, but she is also wounded by it. Surviving day to day no longer seems such a hard task, when she is useful.

-

Tsunade is recovered by the second week after their return. Sakura does not go to see her; she sends Shizune to find her, bring her to the small house the (former) Hokage has earned. Tsunade says nothing when Sakura first appears, looking older but still strong.

“You have had to bear too great of a burden,” Tsunade finally says, after Shizune has stepped out and they are alone, “and I wish to help you bear it, if you would allow me.”

Sakura has cried a lot over the past weeks, but she cannot help how the tears prick her eyes as her teacher, her mentor, her  _ friend _ , pulls her into a tight hug.

“I am here for you, Sakura,” Tsunade says, soft in her ear. “Do not forget, you have people who love you, who support you. Allow us to do this.”

-

Spring passes. Summer is warm, sunny, and gently comes upon Konoha like a blanket being drawn over a sleeper. Sakura does not attend the tribunal, or the executions, but while the Suna delegation is in Konoha she finds Gaara.

“Thank you,” she says as they sit on the bench near the headstone, “for being his friend. For loving him.”

Gaara looks down, at the stone. A tear falls on his clasped hands, and then another. “Thank you,” he says, quiet, “for allowing me this.”

-

Sakura has never been close to Sabaku no Gaara, but when he and his siblings and advisors leave, she is there to see them off.

-

The Yamanaka flower shop is cool and damp when she visits for the first time since the war. Kaori is behind the counter, her hands raw from the number of flowers and arrangements recents events called for.

Kaori hugs like Sakura’s own mother, but she smells like soil and lilies, and squeezes Sakura tightly. She clears her throat, tucks Sakura’s bangs behind her ears, says, “Ino’s at the house. She could use some company.”

Of course. The bottom of Sakura’s stomach falls. Inoichi, Shikaku, she hadn’t thought--

As if sensing the thoughts going through her head, Kaori cups her face. “We all have had our own grief,” she says, pressing a kiss to Sakura’s forehead, “but sharing will help us heal.”

-

Ino’s hair is greasy, the bags beneath her eyes looking like bruises. Her eyes fill up with tears when Sakura lets herself in. She brought pudding, the extra creamy kind that the tea stand makes, but she puts it down so she can catch Ino when the other girl launches herself across the room, off the bed.

“Sak’ra,” Ino whispers, burying her face against Sakura’s collarbones. “Sak’ra, Sak’ra.”

It’s unsaid, but Sakura knows.

_ You’re alive, you’re here, I love you _ .

-

“We’re all just,” Ino waves a hand, her head resting on Sakura’s shoulder. Grief inspires stupid actions; they drank an entire bottle of plum wine between them, but Sakura feels warm with Ino next to her, “fucked up by this. Not just us; there are so many people who lost family, friends, children who lost their parents. Everybody’s lost someone. Some people probably don’t have anyone now. They don’t deserve that.”

Ino falls asleep, tears in her eyes, wiping her nose on Sakura’s sweater.

“I want to help them,” Sakura says to herself in the dusky summer night air. “I want to help them.”

-

She doesn’t know where to start. There’s so much, so many--

“It might help,” Tsunade says, pouring Sakura tea as they sit on the shaded porch of her house, “to find people who want to talk. Find those who will help. I would, but…”

It goes unsaid; she is acting Hokage until the council changes, until the last vestiges of the past are stripped away. Konohagakure will become Konoha, and no longer will walls separate it from the rest of the world.

“...but,” Tsunade says, covering one of Sakura’s hands with both of her own, “I will find those who wish to help.”

-

Ino recruits Shikamaru and Choji. Sakura talks Kakashi into helping. It’s mostly just kids, at first; those who were orphaned, those who lost siblings, those who just held fear.

Quickly it expands, and grows out of the small, colorful room in the corner of the children’s wing of the hospital. Plans are drawn for a building; Sakura has little to do with that. She focuses on the kids, the teens and young adults her own age who have been unable to move on and heal in the aftermath of the war.

Through helping them, it feels like she is moving on. Healing. Growing.

Maybe, just maybe, she’s also learning how to be happy again.

-

Her visits to the headstone and grave taper off to one every couple weeks. She still brings flowers; Kakashi staggers his visits so they are always fresh.

It still feels raw, the hurt of losing them, but when Sakura sits on the grass and tucks the fresh sunflowers into the vase, the hurt does feel lessened.

“Three months,” she says to the stone. “They’re going to make a statue for you two;  _ shishou _ says it’s going in front of the Tower, in a garden they’re making. It’s a project,” she takes a shuddering inhale, looks at the birds overhead, drifting in the thermals, “Ino’s helping; the kids do well with activities. She loves them.  _ I _ love them.”

A pause. The breath she takes is more even. “‘kashi-sensei loves them. He’s so good with them; he wants to do right,” her voices breaks on the last word, “we all do.

“I,” she looks down from the birds, presses her hands to the sun-warmed stone, “will never forget you two; you will always be with me. I promise.”

Sakura falls into silence, arranges the sunflowers so they’ll get the best of the sunlight. Soft footsteps tell her that Ino has moved on from her family grave. A soft hand touches Sakura’s shoulder, and Ino leans over her. Platinum blonde hair curtains them, separating them from the graveyard, from everything.

“Ready?” Ino asks.

Sakura nods, glances one last time at the headstone. She keeps pace with Ino, and their hands intertwine as they leave the graveyard, headed to their clinic, their kids.


End file.
